The Casual
by Amaichan17
Summary: Shizuo and Izaya have a major problem, Izaya's fallen for the one he's least expected most. SHIZAYA fluff :3


None of these characters are mine! Hope you like! Nya~

xxxxxx

It started as casual sex, well to Shizuo it was, maybe he was a little rough, just a little. But mostly it was casual, the blonde had gotten drunk and had randomly chased the raven into an alleyway, drunkly ignoring him and his little knife. Since he was horny as hell he just kissed the raven, Izaya had half way kissed back but Shizuo had just figured that he was enjoying it. The bodyguard had ripped the door off of some guy's car, threw the raven inside, ripped Izaya's clothes off in good swipe and started fucking him.

So... It might of been rape?

Maybe there were some;

"No Shizuo!"

And maybe some;

"Please Shizu-Chan! Please!"

Or some;

"IT'S NOT GOING TO FIT DAMMIT!"

Or;

"YOU'RE TEARING MY ASS DAMMIT! HAVE SOME MERCY!"

Okay, so he wasn't the nicest to the raven, but Izaya had asked for it! He was always being adorable and cute things like that! Shizuo couldn't fight his manly instincts! God! Could Izaya fight his womanly instincts? Shizuo didn't think so. And he kinda had answers like thus bellow.

"Yes Shizuo!"

And some;

"Please fuck you? Yes ma'am!"

Or some;

"IT IS GOING TO FIT! YOU KEEP MOVING AND I'LL SHOVE IT SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT IT'LL COME THROUGH YOUR ASS! SO JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE SHIT BITCH!"

Or maybe even;

"MERCY ISN'T IN MY VOCABULARY!"

So, it kinda could've been considered it rape, but the blonde knew that Izaya would be the last one going to tell the cops about something...

Xxxx

"Come out come out wherever you are." Shizuo said lighting a cigarette and walking around the informant's office, he had beat the living shit out one of Izaya's frequent clients to know the raven's headquarters. As soon as he walked through the door Izaya had spontaneously spotted him and instantly hid somewhere in the house. "I promise that I'll be gentle if you come out now, like in the next two seconds." The raven wasn't in sight. The office was dark, and quite uninviting. Just like the flea.

"I'm going to count to ten, and if your not right in front of me, I'll sniff you out and fuck the living hell out of you." The bodyguard said in a light tone, exhaling the smoke lightly. Shizuo began to turn over things like couches and tables, places that could shelter the thin male. All he could remember was that ass, that ass was the thing that was driving him at the moment, that and severe amounts of testosterone.

Still no reply, only tension filled silence.

Izaya swallowed nervously. Whatever had happened between he and Shizuo the night before was purely for hormonal reasons. Nothing more. Then Shizuo shows up at his office like a horny puppy wanting some ass! He could forget it! Even a flea had it's limits!

"1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...9 1/2...10..." The blonde sighed, after the countdown was done Shizuo sniffed Izaya out. The bodyguard instantly threw the closet doors open and ripped the raven out. "Hmm... Closet in the room huh? How convient." Shizuo happily blew a dark black smoke ring into Izaya's face.

"Look Shizu Chan, as hormonal as you may be, I will not engage in intercourse with you." He spoke calmly. Never let your opponent feel as thought they were in charge. Ever. "I'm sure Vorona would be happy to sleep with you." He'd given up his virginity and Shizuo had already given up his to someone else he figured, thus the suggestion of Vorona.

"Yeah but Vorona doesn't have the ass of Gabriel." Shizuo roughly groped the raven in the backside.

Izaya jumped slightly. Why the nerve of some men! "Gabriel? Quoting the Bible then?" Frantically Izaya dug in his pocket for his switchblade. Finally, he could kill Shizuo and that would be the end of it. "Hell yeah for some ass!" The older male smirked and crashed their lips together, forcing his way into the raven's mouth and violating the informant's tongue with his own. Izaya gasped as Shizuo began to suck and lick his tongue, surprisingly, the blonde tasted like dark chocolate. 'Why?' The raven thought longingly. 'Why does this feel so good but hurt so bad? Why does everything in my life feel this way?'

"Damn you taste good..." The blonde replied as he pulled away, Izaya blushed and closed his eyes, trying not to look at the long, thick, spit line that connected them together. The younger male could only moan as the older male started to lick and suck on the informant's neck, lustfully grinding their groins against each other. "Don't fight it dammit." Shizuo growled as he felt Izaya try to futilely push him off.

"Why?" Izaya said instead. "Why the hell do you wanna fuck me so bad?!" He was this close to giving in and loving every moment of getting fucked. This close.

"Because your ass feels amazing against my dick." The blonde replied grabbing the raven's backside once again. "Plus you're pretty."

"Oh why thank you." He blushed at the sudden revelation. He'd never actually been called pretty. Maybe he'd called himself gorgeous, or the occasional person might call him "sexy", but that was as good as it got.

"Now I'm going to fuck you."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"I'm not going to argue with you, just rape."

Shizuo replied handcuffing the raven to the headboard and lifting Izaya's shirt up so that he could lick his nipples. The crafty informant could only blush and try to slip his hands out of the cuffs. He gasped, moaned and blushed as the bodyguard began to twist his nipples. "I see you're enjoying this flea."

"S-Shut up! This feels so weird!" He could feel his blood rushing around to certain already heated areas. "Heh... Now, tell me how bad you want to get fucked right now." The blonde purred running his soft tongue along the raven's hard nipples. With his other free hand Shizuo roughly twisted the pink candy, having a low sexual tolerance, Izaya was drooling already. The duo were interrupted of their little moment of passion by a gasp. There, standing the doorway was Namie, the secretary was speechless.

"I-I swear! It's not like that!" Izaya blushingly managed. You would think Shizuo would have the curtesy to stop!

"Then what is it? Shizuo ran out of milk at his house and now he's trying to milk you against your will?" Namie asked leisurely leaning against the door and raising a eyebrow.

"I'll pay you five thousand yen extra if you keep quiet." The informant moaned as Shizuo continually devoured him.

"Damn, have some decency first. Make it at least twenty thousand and I'll forget all about it." The secretary purred looking at her long nails like she was extremely bored.

"Twenty then, just leave!" Izaya commanded tilting his head back. He wanted to murder the bodyguard for ruining his reputation like that!

"You know what? Make it fifty thousand." Namie purred pushing it, hopefully he would say "No." and fire her on the spot.

"I'm about to dock your pay fifty thousand!"

"Twenty five thousand."

"Deal."

"Kay Kay, bye love birds."

Four hours later...

Izaya snarled when he woke up alone, and covered in various fluids and marks. how dare the blonde just fuck him and leave him like that! That was just plain old inhumane! "That hairy, abominable, blonde rat! How could he just... Violate me like that! Then leave me to soak in his bodily fluids! If he thinks that-"

"If he thinks that what?" Shizuo growled returning with nothing but a towel on. Before izaya could reply his flawless face was met with a towel.

"Mff!" The raven replied flying back a little. "You just took a shower..." He said incredulous. And here he was getting ready to cause the blonde extreme hell. Huh.

"Uh yeah, I took a shower flea asshole, I wouldn't just put my clothes on and keep going. Like you." The blonde replied roughly throwing the raven's slipper at the informant. "You have to take a shower too, if you don't melt when water touches you."

Izaya bit back a snarl. "Hmm, look who's talking. I didn't know monsters took showers, and I know a helluva lot more than you." He said dryly making his way to the shower. Hopefully, just hopefully, Shizuo would still be there when he came back.

Three hours later...

Izaya shook his hair freely and smiled. There was nothing like having your hair damp and being the perfect weight. Nothing. Quickly, but not desperately, he looked around to see if the blonde was still around. Of course, he wasn't, only the faint smell of his manly cologne remained.

"Oh well..." The sad raven sighed and sat down. Crap! He was still at his office! He needed to get home! Quickly, he drove to his small well furnished apartment in the good side of Shinjuku. "Home sweet home." He lied turning the key and stepping into his pomegranate and lavender home. Ah, the smell of money. Leisurely, he slipped off his shoes and got comfortable. Did he kinda... Miss Shizuo? No! Of course not...

Izaya sleeplessly tossed and turned that night, remembering what it felt like being held and touched by blonde. Though he hated Shizuo to death, why did he crave to touched again? Most of all, why did Shizuo want to hold him anyway?

Xxxx

Shizuo lit a cigarette and slowly inhaled the thick, addicting and comforting smoke, today was a rainy day, and he hadn't really done anything that really mattered. He had mostly just walked around Ikebukuro scaring the shit out of people, seeing people shit bricks at the sight of him was pretty funny though. One tourist even went as far as hitting him with a brick but that hadn't ended well, let's just say, Shizuo sent him "get out of the coma" cards.

He didn't even open his eyes when he heard a familiar motorcycle park. "Hey Celty, shitty day isn't it?" By the sound of a helmet bouncing up and down he was guessing that the headless fairy was nodding. Most of the time he was pretty grateful that he had a headless buddy like Celty, who could listen and nod and somehow get the point across that she understood, the blonde sat on his buddy's motorcycle and laid on her. Not that Celty minded, she and Shizuo were close like that, normally she didn't like to be touched by anyone but Shinra but at the moment she didn't really care.

Izaya, who was skipping home with groceries sighed in annoyance. He hadn't seen the blonde all week, he had heard that the ex bartender was in the area from of his clients but so far he had been searching non stop all day.

But no Shizuo.

"Remind me to cut that guy up the butt-hole later." The informant growled to himself, he was interrupted of his grumblings when the scent of smoke reached his nose. Izaya instantly stopped dead in his tracks and turned to the direction that the scent was. When he arrived in front of the building he did not like the sight that he saw. Some brown haired, tall guy was standing on top of the railing! Looking like he was really ready to jump! Shizu Chan! Izaya, being the virtual ninja he was, instantly used his ninja skills to jump from building to building and tackled the brunette. He didnt want his monster dead after what had happened earlier. "Don't jump protozoan!"

"A proto what? And I wasn't going to jump, I just like playing on the railings of buildings." Izaya then realized that the brunette wasn't Shizuo at all, and was actually a really ugly guy. "But for you sweetheart I could be anything." The ugly brunette chimed in looking the pretty raven up and down lustfully. Izaya only sighed angrily and pushed him slightly to the left. Of course he fell screaming to what he thought was to his brutal demise and instead landed in the cemetery to the left of the building. "I'll put your ugly ass in the Buddhadamned hospital if you ever cross paths with me ever again." Izaya icily called over his shoulder. Once again he inhaled the smoky scent of the blonde, taking another risk he followed the tricky scent.

It was hard identifying the aroma from the other crazy scents of the massive city but it was so worth it. While following the aroma Izaya thought about what happened on the roof. Why did he react so quickly? Why didn't he leave the person alone? Even if it really was Shizuo, why did he suddenly care? All these questions couldn't seem to find a answer in the Izaya's intelligent mind, not even one. Once again, the smoky scent led the raven into another rooftop, and the witty informant didn't like what he had the displeasure of viewing.

The blonde was laying back to back and hip to hip with Celty on her motorcycle. The headless fairy was stroking and patting his head like he was a puppy. Their heads were almost centimeters away, and Shizuo was inspecting Celty's hand. "Damn that's nice..." The ex bartender said raising a eyebrow and moving the hand so that he could inspect it more.

"Hullo Celty." Izaya spoke quite dryly. Was he jealous? No... Of course not. If he liked Celty, what did it matter to him? "Hey." Was casually typed back reply that the annoyed raven received. It seemed like the headless female had taken her sweet little time writing "Hey." Shizuo lowered his friend's hand and growled much like a dog. "Swear to Buddha, flea if you came here to cause trouble I'll put you-" The blonde was going to get up in a attempt to knock the informant's lights out but Celty stopped him by placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "Did you come here for a specific reason Izaya?" Celty leisurely showed the raven her PDA and shrugged nonchalantly.

"I just wanted to say hi, problem?" Izaya calmly managed. He couldn't loose his composure—that'd look too weak, too easy.

"No, to me not really, but I don't think Shizuo's in the mood for your pointless games right now." Celty typed back pointing to the snarling and smoking blonde.

"Pointless? Hardly. You might understand if you weren't always attached to Shinra or looking for your head—" The raven coolly spun on his heels and began to walk in the opposite direction. "Which you'll never find." He said in a tone only loud enough for Celty to hear.

"I don't really care, I can go with or without my head. Anyways, you're the troublemaker of Ikebukuro, you wouldn't go say 'hi.' to anyone without there being some type of disturbing reason or catch to it." headless fairy calmly wrote, she knew better than to let the raven upset her. It wasn't Izaya's fault that he was born sick like that. It was the doctor who dropped the informant's already pea sized sanity in the incinerator's fault.

"I don't care." He replied walking away. Shizuo could drool like a dog 'till Osiris came for all he cared. "Alright you've had your little fun, now its time to get going." Shizuo growled, then approached the younger male and blew a dark black cloudy smoke ring into the raven's face. "Gabriel."

"A-Ass!" Izaya managed blushing waving the poison fumes out his face. "You're calling me an ass? Who's got the ass of Jesus? Not me." The bodyguard replied blowing two others into the blushing informant's flawless face. "Now get out of here before I pound it on this roof in front of Celty."

(The raven was an atheist, but even he knew Gabriel was an angel.) "I simply came to pay The Headless Rider a visit, is that so wrong?" Izaya replied smoothly sliding behind Shizuo, putting his hands on his hips, and sticking his tongue out mockingly, but playfully for he didn't want a fight at the moment. Dark hair artfully framed Izaya's pale face. Shizuo was kinda nice when he wasn't mad, or trying to impale you, he could be sweet. Maybe he'd always been this way, but not to Izaya. A special reception for the raven only perhaps.

"Mmhhhmmm... And I was trying to look at the big ass ring that Shinra bought her. Funny, it kinda reminds me of your giant ass." Shizuo mused sitting on the railing. Celty, personally didn't know what the fuck was going on at the moment, so she just sat there and watched the strange occurance. One minute Shizuo was ready to murder the raven, and the next? He was calling him Gabriel and shit.

"I feel like everything reminds you of my ass, funny how Shinra's gonna marry her." Izaya said leaning comfortably against the railing also. "No it isn't, if Shinra wants to marry his woman he can marry his woman." The blonde replied sticking his hands into his comfy warm slacks. "'Cause I ain't gonna marry her ass. Funny how the word ass reminds me of your ass."

"Well, technically, an ass is a donkey. So you like my donkey then?" Izaya teased. In truth, he was relived Shizuo wasn't with Celty. So relieved.

"If that's linked to your butt then hell yeah!"

"Honest, and I appreciate that I suppose." Lazily Izaya flicked out his knife and ran his thumb along it until it bled, smiling slightly at the familiar stinging sensation. The ex bartender didn't reply and instead took the sick informant's knife right out of his hand. "That's enough of that."

"But I was having fun~!" He purred giving Shizuo an "aww!" look. "There's no harm in it~"

"Shutup." The blonde playfully replied quietly stuffing the knife into his right pocket. Celty looked at her phone, Shinra had just texted her saying that he needed her for a emergency, she quickly texted the blonde goodbye and silently drove off.

"Showoff." The thin male criticized watching The Headless Rider drive off the roof in all her glory. If he had such an amazing bike he'd be doing death defying tricks too. "Showoff, showoff, showoff."

"Sounds like someone's jealous flea." The ex bartender mused crushing the recent cigarette and lighting a new one. "Didn't know that Gabriel got jealous."

"Didn't know I was Gabriel~" He replied softly pushing the blonde's head lovingly. The loving part? Casual sex did that to you.

"Hmph, well you are." Shizuo retorted in a amused tone. This was probably the only time he had actually had a full conversation with the mental raven. Why?

The answer escaped him at the moment.

"So, what do you think you'll do with your life?" Izaya stared longingly at the horizon. The world was pretty when there wasn't blood staining the streets, or rapes taking place, or a vending machine being thrown at you. But then again, wasn't everything beautiful when it was without flaw or fault?

"I don't know... Maybe fuck you for the rest of it. Now, lets go fuck." The blonde swiftly threw the raven over his muscular shoulder and carried him off of the roof. Once off the roof the ex bartender carried the raven back to his house. "Shit, I missed that ass."

Izaya rolled his eyes and squirmed. Sure, the physical feeling and emotional closeness was nice, but sex was so weird! "Nuu! Sex is all wah!" Cutely he slapped Shizuo's head. "Hell no is sex wah, sex is fucking awesome. So just sit back and enjoy the shit bitch." The ex bartender replied slapping the informant's backside roughly and kicking the raven's door down. He crudely threw Izaya on the couch and ripped the thin male's clothes off in one good swipe. "Now that's what I'm talking about." The blonde mused lustfully looking the younger male up and down.

"Kyah! Shut the door, shut the door!" Izaya protested covering himself. It seemed the male mind focused primarily on "gettin' some", and when that happened, all reason went out the window.

"Ugh, fine." The ex bartender growled carelessly slamming the door shut and taking his shirt off. Showing the raven his bustling eight pack. "Okay, so you have two options; one, I can do you on the couch and record your screams. Or we can do two, I can do you in the bedroom and just tape you."

The blushing raven was incredulous. He closed his eyes as if to think, and remember Shizuo might take that the wrong way. "W-Why would you want to do either of those? Why can't 'what happens in the bedroom' stay in the bedroom?" He asked really wishing he had a blanket on his couch all of a sudden.

"Pbbbt! Nope, now answer me, because I pick we're gonna do both. Plus I'm gonna put it on YouTube." The blonde gave the informant his world famous half smile.

"Bed then." Izaya said in defeat. At least Shizuo was hot...

xxxxxx

Once again, the raven woke up covered in genital fluids, naked, and alone. The informant growled and sat up, how dare the blonde be all lovey dovey and sweet when he was just going to leave him alone the next morning! The nerve of some men!

"That two cent asshole!" He yelled angrily growing off his sheet. Damn, he really had to piss at the moment.

"Shutup flea! Damn." Shizuo replied walking into the room and throwing the raven's other slipper at Izaya. "I leave you again for like a hour and you're already complaining. Stop being a asshole Gabriel." The blonde was already dressed and ready to leave.

"Whatever." He replied stiffly. He'd stupidly miscalculated—again, and Shizuo'd caught him—again.

"Mad 'cause I caught you in the the act eh? Don't be mad~ You shouldn't of been being a bitch then." Shizuo smirked roughly slapping the raven's behind with a plush towel. Izaya was so amusing sometimes. "Its in my nature~" He answered hitting the blonde playfully. "Honestly, you sure do love my ass, which is understandable because I am unbelievably glamorous~" The raven purred skipping into the shower.

"Girl bye." The bodyguard rolled his eyes.

"Can't say it isn't true!" Izaya took a shower in ten minutes flat. By the time Shizuo had just finished raiding the informant's fully stocked fridge, he was out. He couldn't have his monster leaving so soon after all. "Eh? You're out early, usually you take at least a hour. Did you wipe your ass?" The ex bartender asked taking a bite out of the seafood sub the raven had bought the day before.

"Yeah, it was full of semen." He replied taking a bite out the other end of the sub. Sex made him ravingly hungry.

"Aww come on~! I didn't cum that much~!"

"Uh yeah, you did. My ass isn't that big you know. It can't hold a shitload of sperm."

"Aww Shutup, it's not my fault that your ass isn't big enough to my enormous cock."

"You mean your huge balls?"

"Yeah those too- Wait? Why were you looking? I thought your eyes were closed when you were sucking my balls!"

"They're enormous! Why do you like that anyway?" The raven leisurely crossed his arms.

"Because your mouth is so warm, small, and wet so it feels amazing~!" The blonde sat on the couch and started smoking. "Shit, come here Izaya give me a round two."

"Nuuuuuu! We just finished!" He protested sitting on top of his platinum screen tv.

"Come here you~!" The ex bartender grabbed the raven and placed the thin male on his lap.

"Whadya want~" Izaya purred snuggling into Shizuo and smiling.

"Woah, I just put you on my lap and now your cuddling into me...humph." Shizuo mused raising a eyebrow and stroking the informant's hair soothingly.

"You're soft... And you smell like Axe..."

"Really? You've always told me that I smelt like a dirty, stank, monster." Shizuo mused ruffling the younger male's hair.

"Well... That's only when you sweat~ Sweat is nasty." Izaya cutely stuck his tongue out. He was NOT a fan of secretions.

"Whatever... Now where's my blowjob Missy?"

Xxxxx

Two weeks later...

Izaya Orihara was lovestruck.

Maybe it had started when the blonde had slept with him for the eighth time and had actually stayed when he woke up, held him lovingly, took a shower with him, and spent the night. Anyways, he was lovestruck over Shizuo Heiwaijima. Even one of his best friends Seiji Yagiri had noticed how the raven had been ogling over the blonde when he was fighting this random guy.

"So umm how is Shizuo looking totally hot when he punched the hell out of this guy again?" Seiji asked raising a eyebrow, the two were watching the fight occur when the raven had accidentally said that out loud. "I didn't know that you even thought that Shizuo was hot..."

The victim was in the same line as Shizuo to get a hotdog and the guy, the jerk that he was, told the blonde a "dumb blonde" joke and called him one of them. Thus starting a fight. The man was fast, so the bodyguard couldn't hit him as hard, but Shizuo, having experience with someone (Izaya) ten times smarter and faster was soon upon him.

"He's going to run you in a circle!" Izaya called alerting the blonde of the danger he was in. "Then somehow hit you in the solar plexus!" He wanted to yell, "Go Shizuo! I love you!", but he didn't figure that was appropriate for either of their reputations. The bodyguard only quickly nodded and many screams, moans, and yells were heard from the man. After about a hour or so Shizuo had won the fight.

"Thanks." The blonde said winking and coolly lighting a cigarette. He then went to go get with his best buddy Tom, he had never wanted to stay and talk after a fight with a random person. "The hell? Why are you blushing and waving goodbye to him? HIS BACK IS TURNED!" The brunette was incredulous, in all his friendship with the crafty informant, he had never seen Izaya act this way! Especially not near Shizuo, the raven was very distinct about showing no signs of weakness.

"..."

"The hell is wrong is wrong with you Izaya?!"

"The hell is wrong with you!" Izaya accusingly pointed a finger at the brunette. He'd been way too careless, let his guard down, and now there was a chance their "relationship" would be exposed!

"Nothing! I'm not the one all lovestruck over Shizuo all of a sudden!" Seiji said raising a eyebrow and placing a hand on his hip. Izaya was acting like a complete and utter lovestruck puppy today! "You're like a kitten when you're around him!"

"I've been... Hanging around Vorona too much?" Izaya offered weakly.

"No you haven't, you hate that bitch. Izaya Orihara, I can't believe that after all these years of being best friends, THAT YOU WOULD LIE YOUR LATIN ASS OFF TO MY FACE!"

"Okay okay! You have to promise not to tell anything we talk about kay? And since when is my ass Latin?" Izaya asked leading his friend to his house excitedly. Finally! Someone he could talk to about Shizuo!

"It's always been Latin, and why are we going to your house? What's going on here Izaya?" Seiji asked as the raven hastily unlocked his door and shoved him inside. "Why is Shizuo's vest and sunglasses in here?" Now that Seiji thought about it, Shizuo was wearing a royal blue vest and black sunglasses today.

Weird.

"Okay. So me and Shizuo are kinda having casual sex, but I think he's starting to like me 'cause he held me." The raven quickly squealed holding himself.

"So, you're telling me because he held you when he fucked you that he likes you..." The brunette cringed. "Izaya, no offence, but Shizuo is kinda a solitary guy, he might of just needed someone to hold on to." Seiji sighed and took a few steps back, he would be ready to run if the witty informant lost it.

Izaya's face looked blank and cold. "This is why I didn't want to tell you." He put his hand on Seiji's shoulder. "I mean you're my 'best friend'," Quotation, "You really are, but I don't always think your maturity can handle everything I tell you."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

An ice cold glare. "Get out of my house."

"No, I'm sorry Iza, don't be mad at me... I'm sorry... I understand now... Just give me a sec..." Seiji barely managed sitting on the couch, still giggling.

The raven calmly reloaded a rifle. He did have more than one specialty weapon after all. "You get thirty seconds to recuperate." He aimed it at Seiji's head. "One, two, three, four, five," Seiji stopped laughing.

"Okay, I'm done... So when's the last time you two fucked?"

"This morning..."

"So how does this happen? Does he just walk in your house and be like, 'Hey flea, let me pound your buns~' or does he just fuck you as soon as you open the door?"

"More like, 'C'mere Gabriel so I can fuck your ass', and I'm okay with that." He sheepishly sighed and smiled. Just the thought of the blonde had that effect.

"Gabriel?"

"Apparently, I have the ass and co of Gabriel. He said it, not me."

"... You're head over heels for him aren't you?"

"No, why would you say that?" Slight twitch.

"Well you are, if you're okay with him just coming in a fucking you like that."

"You're not a virgin, are you?"

"Yes I am. Now stop changing the subject asshole."

"That explains alot." Izaya said shaking his head. Oh the plight of the virgin.

"You are so full of shit! Last year you kept droning on and on about how you would never have sex and never get married! You lying asshole."

"Well I'm not married. If you had sex you might understand."

"Stop fronting bitch."

"Well, what do you want me to say?"

"Uh maybe that you were a wrong butt hair."

"Why am I a wrong butt hair!?"

"You subjected me to listening to listening to you for hours about how SEX AND MARRIAGE WAS WRONG! ASSHOLE!"

"Oops, sorry."

"You crackhead."

The brunette rolled his eyes and laid onto the couch. Izaya was going to reply but instead he heard keys and the door unlocking. "He has the keys to your HOUSE?!" Seiji yelled jumping behind the couch.

"Yeah," The raven happily smiled. "You can go through the back door now."

"Gabriel~" Shizuo smirked sweeping the raven of off his feet and ruffling his hair. "You miss me?" The blonde sat right on the couch. Seiji was trapped. The brunette tried to sit up but the blonde instantly noticed.

"Did you hear that?" Shizuo asked raising a eyebrow.

Izaya smiled and instead kissed Shizuo trying to get Seiji some way out of there. If the brunette was thinking he would roll out of there. Seiji tried to, but the ex bartender noticed that also. "Izaya, you don't hear that?" Shizuo asked pulling away and licking up the spit line that connected them.

"My hearing's not as exceptional as you think, but hey, do we have to fuck on the couch this time~?" Candied vermillion eyes sparkled cutely. "I also made you a desert~"

"Kay, kay, let's go upstairs Gabriel~"

"Yay~" Izaya happily clung to Shizuo as he carried him upstairs. Seiji held his breath and didn't move an inch as the couple descended up the stairs.

"O-Oh... Oh God... I think I'm going to be sick..."Seiji managed crawling through the back door.

Xxxxx

Seiji's phone bleeped several times. He knew who it was, but he didn't want to answer it. Seven more bleeps and he knew he had to answer or the caller would not stop. "Hello?" The brunette asked already knowing who's voice he could hear. "Hiya Seiji." Was the calm reply he received.

"What do you want Izaya?"

"I can't call just to inquire of your well being?"

"Hell no."

"Well I just wanted to say sorry about what happened with Shizuo."

"Oh yeah, you mean how I was almost man slaughtered? Oh it's okay Izaya, your little fuck buddy is only Shizuo Heiwaijima, I wasn't in any danger."

"You're angry..."

"No, I'm not at all." Seiji said in a sarcastic tone, he wasn't completely mad at the raven it was just the fact that he bring him into his house, which Shizuo had the KEYS to. He didn't even want to think about his funeral if the blonde had caught him.

"Look, I'm sorry. We can hang out later to make it up to you."

"Eh... I don't know... You might bring your boo there too..."

"We don't go out in public Seiji. We still wish to maintain some part of our reputations."

"Izaya, people are going to find out."

"How?"

"I don't know, I just have this hunch okay?"

"Alright. Russian Sushi?"

"Kay,kay, meet you there."

"Seven thirty."

"Seven thirty."

*Click*

Seiji smiled and shook his head. Izaya always managed to upkeep a veil of mystery, but at the same time, keep the few friends he did have in reach. "That asshole..."

Xxxxx

"Seiji Kun~!" The raven skipped in and sat across from his friend. What he was wearing made Seiji's jaw dropped: a white jacket, pink t-shirt, and tight ass black skinny jeans with high fuchsia combat boots.

"The fuck are you in?" The brunette asked shivering, Izaya was like in the most whorish outfit ever.

"Clothes, you?"

"No you ain't, I'm in clothes bitch, you? I don't know what you're in."

"Do I look bad?" Izaya suddenly felt self conscious, which wasn't something that happened often for him.

"No, you just look whorish." The brunette shrugged and sat down. "I know you're not wearing his bow tie." Seiji said after he placed his order.

"..."

"..."

"So this is how people will find out huh?"

"Not exactly, someone will find out though."

"Probably." The raven rolled his ootoro in soy sauce and wasabi and smiled. Ootoro was truly the best food in the world.

"So, what are you going to do when someone does?" The older male asked raising a eyebrow and digging into his chicken cheese salad and teriyaki. "It's not going to be good, there's a lot of yaoi fangirls out there..."

"Plus my reputation... Well, I guess I can defend it..."

"You're gonna lie?"

"No, just get tougher."

"Really? How are you going to do that? Hide behind Shizuo?"

"Demand information using my knife."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Asshole." The raven said blankly. Sighing slightly he took the brunette's teriyaki and rolling it in wasabi. "Just saying, I mean, it's still not going to help your reputation, people will definitely know that it's true then." The older male mused taking some of the informant's ootoro, Izaya always did seem like he had an answer for everything. But Seiji was going to grill him until he didn't have a answer anymore.

"I'll only use my switchblade if they aren't taking me seriously."

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"You laugh like a fucktard."

"You look like a fucktard."

"That's why Shizuo Heiwaijima called me sexy."

"That's why he's not dating you."

"That's why you're a virgin."

"Thats why you're a fucktard."

"That's why you took MY word."

"That's why you're a psychopath."

"That's why you use hair gel."

"That's why you have eight cowlicks."

"That's why," The raven stopped to count all of the cowlicks. "That's why you stare at me enough to realize that!"

"Thats why you're a retard."

"That's why I'm not a virgin!"

"That's why Shizuo only likes you for your ass."

"That's why someone actually likes a body part of me!"

"Thats why you're being used, like a whore."

"You mean a hoe. You gotta be paid for to be a whore. One minute." Izaya elegantly slipped into the handicap bathroom and shut the door.

Kanra: Hey.

Therainyblonde: S'up :)

Kanra: So I've been talking to a close friend of mine, about, "us", and it didn't seem so good.

Therainyblonde: Alright, now I'm jealous. The hell were u talkin 2? :(

Kanra: Seiji Yagiri.

Therainyblonde: :( Eh.

Kanra: Well, wud u consider urself using me?

Therainyblonde: Hell no, I wub u 3 XD

Kanra: Oh well, u never say it. :D

Therainyblonde: I didn't think I needed to, I thought you knew. =)

Kanra: Well confirmation's always nice. What else would you like to tell me rite now?

Therainyblonde: I miss u~ 3 Come home so I can kiss u~ Because I miss u~ So please come home so I can kiss you~! 3 Cuz I dearly miss u~ Plus I luv u~!

Kanra: Charming. :D Our relationship status?

Therainyblonde: GF and BF of course, why would I want a fuck buddy~? :D (^=•=^)~

Kanra: GF?

Therainyblonde: You're the Girlfriend, I'm the Boyfriend. :) :''D easy. I mean you don't pound my ass in my sleep rite?

Kanra: Uhm Shizu Chan, problem.

Therainyblonde: Eh? What problem? (^_^?

Kanra: I. Am. Not. A. Girl.

Therainyblonde: So? Idc. |:D :P I dont like girls, they're majorly bitchy on the rag or when theyre pregnant. :{3

Kanra: U mite knock me up U kno. Mpreg can happen~! Wat's with da facez? :3 :D :) :0 8) 8D 83 80

Therainyblonde: What do you mean~? B''3 I dont make facez, I make faces. X{D Oh ho ho~ :D BP BD X3

Kanra: I'm gonna pop some tags only got twenty dollars (20$) in my pocket. (Rips off your mustache)

Therainyblonde: ( ;_;) (Mustache-less) I liked my mustache...

Kanra: Fuck outta here.

Therainyblonde: Damn ur mean (T-T)

Kanra: (Makes a brownie with ur face on it)

Therainyblonde: :) Brownies are so radical~ 3 like u~

Kanra: Oh y shank u Hon.

Therainyblonde: Lols, and ur welcome Gabriel~ We cool now? 'XP

Kanra: Yea. Hey, y did u hate me b4?

Therainyblonde: Ugh, do I have to answer that?

Kanra: Where u doin' the whole "teasing" thing?

Therainyblonde: No, I just hated you. T-T

Kanra: Bitch ass. Y?

Therainyblonde: Ugh, its just that u were real sick upstairs, and just liked making people miserable. It pissed me off to the point where I just wanted to kill u. :) but I luv u now becuz you have a heart and care about someone besides yourself.

Kanra: Oh y shank u. Luv u 2 Rainy.

Therainyblonde: Lols, luv u 2 sweetheart, now come home~ I miss u. I miss u~ 3 Come home so I can kiss u~ Because I miss u~ So please come home so I can kiss you~! 3 Cuz I dearly miss u~ Plus I luv u~!

Kanra: U copied and pasted that.

Therainyblonde: Ur damn straight, I was not rewriting that again. :)

Kanra: If u luved me u wud have.

Therainyblonde: (Sigh) I will... I miss u~ 3 Come home so I can kiss u~ Because I miss u~ So please come home so I can kiss you~! 3 Cuz I dearly miss u~ Plus I luv u~!

Kanra: Awwwwww! (Hugs)

Therainyblonde: :) (Hugs back and squeezes) when r u comin home?

Kanra: (Amused face) Home?

Therainyblonde: Yup, I got a surprise for-

Izaya was interrupted of his reading because Seiji burst in the bathroom. "Izaya! You are taking way too long! Are you taking a shit or something?"

"HELL NO!" Izaya jumped facing his friend with a smile. "Just talking to Shiki. Brb." He quickly ran into the nearest stall and resumed reading.

"You crackhead! Hurry up." Seiji sighed leaning against the bathroom wall and smelling the green apple scented soaps.

Therainyblonde: yup, I have a surprise for you when you get "home" Talk 2 u later Gabriel. :)

"Therainyblonde has signed off" Izaya's IPhone read.

"Done." Izaya yelled kicking the toilet handle so it flushed and skipping out. As he washed his hands, he hummed a happy upbeat song he randomly thought of. The informant was in a extremely good mood.

"Eh? What's wrong with you? Shiki finally died?" The witty brunette joked putting the soap down.

"La, la, la. Nope~!" He spun around and kissed Seiji on the forehead.

"The hell?" Seiji asked wiping away the kiss and following the raven back out front where their leftovers's were waiting. "I had enough time to order seconds, thirds, and fourths. Your food is probably cold as ice, well it was when I ate some. What were you talking about?" The raven's best friend paused and carried the leftover's to his car. "A hour? Half a hour? Two hours?"

"You paid and left a tip right?" The lovestruk raven asked comfortably strapping himself into the passenger seat. "That was lively and lovely service we received!"

"Whatever you fucktard, it's not like you were able to receive it anyways." Seiji said rolling his eyes and starting the engine to his Jaguar. "Ya dirty bitch."

"Oh Seiji, love is so wonderful~" Izaya exclaimed throwing his hands in the air and beaming. Seiji stared in awe and almost crashed. It was like some pukey soon-to-be-sex-scene in some pukier movie. "God." The brunette shook his head and hoped that Izaya was ready for heartache.

"Izaya, with love, comes heartache." The informant's best friend said like a wise old man. Despite the fact he had never gotten rejected or had his heartbroken he had many a experience with breaking people's hearts. Including his own sister's.

"Jeez Seiji, you sound a million years old!" Izaya dryly chuckled sensing the seriousness in his friend's voice.

"Whatever you fucktard, I'm just trying to look out for you." Seiji sighed turning on to the highway and speeding up, he knew that he wouldn't be caught, the cops for Ikebukuro would do a complete circus act for a waffle, much less a sack of money.

"La la la." Izaya replied putting in his headphones and turning them up as loud as they would go. Seiji was being too parental and bipolar for his liking. "Oh so you're going to play this like a kid Izaya eh? Well I can play too." Izaya squealed as his best friend began to jerk the car to a stop and keep going, in the middle of the highway. The informant clung to the seat and Seiji kept going smoothly, only to jerk the car to a adrupt stop again. What scared the raven was the fact was that he didn't know when Seiji was going to stop again.

"Okay!" Quickly he ripped the headphones out of his ears and breathed heavily. There was no way music was worth more than your life. "You're just being so blah!"

"I'm trying to look out for you, because I care for you Izaya, whether you like it or not." Seiji smirked stopping the car and going again.

"Alright, alright! Just stop jerking off—I mean jerking the car!" The thin male eyed the handle of Seiji's car, mentally preparing himself for what he would do if he had to jump out.

"Okay then." Seiji stopped jerking the car and soon they were smoothly cruising across the highway. "Now, I want you to relay back to me everything I just told you."

"With love comes heartache, and you care for me?"

"What else?"

"There was more?"

"Yup."

"Give me a hint?"

"HELL NAH!" Seiji jerked the car to a stop again.

"Okay, okay! You're trying to look out for me?" The vermillion eyed male felt ready to share the contents of his lunch and stomach acid with his best friend.

"That's better, now let's drive you home Missy."

Xxxxxx

Carefully and care-freely, Izaya skipped into his home. He didn't want to seem too eager, but he was excitingly happy to see the blonde. Whoever said love made you do crazy things was a true philosopher. Surprisingly Shizuo was nowhere in sight. The raven sighed as he looked around. Sadly, only the male's manly scent lingered in the air.

"Dammit!" He whined and meant to plop down in the nearest chair, All this damn anticipation for nothing! Izaya gasped as he hit the cold floor. "What the-"

"SURPRISE!" Shizuo jumped out of the floor.

"Wah!" Quickly the surprised male raised his switchblade ready to impale anyone who came near.

"Calm down sweetheart~ it's just me." The blonde laughed grabbing his lover and kissing him lovingly.

"What happened to my furniture!" He didn't mean to yell, but he'd paid good money.

"I moved it into my house."

"W-Why?"

"Because, I hate going home by myself."

Izaya was speechless. The silent pleading in Shizuo's eyes and loving look was enough to make someone as snarky as him shut the fuck up and melt the most demented and twisted of hearts. "Alright then. So do I~" He smiled wrapping his arms around Shizuo's neck and smiling.

"Yay, I hoped you wouldn't be mad at me Gabriel." The bodyguard smiled into the hug and squeezed the raven tighter. "Let's go home..."

"Alight then." Izaya affectionately intertwined his fingers with Shizuo and shook his head. Who would have known that the sane hands that could effortlessly toss a vending machine at you, were soft enough to make Johnson&Johnson lotion seem extremely unnecessary. Shizuo didn't bother relying and instead kissed the witty raven's neck. "Wait to you see what I did with your stuff!"

"Uh oh." Izaya joked hitting Shizuo lightly. "What'd you do?"

"You'll see." The people of Ikebukuro stared as they watched the monster of their town, carry the other monster of their town, across their town. Some people even fainted, some said "Uh oh, I better stop smoking that crack" and others, well, they were in a coma.

"Nya~" Izaya childishly stuck his tongue out and giggled. "You are so cute." Shizuo laughed kissing his girlfriend on her neck. The raven growled slightly when he realized that Seiji was right, people did find out, in fact many of them took pictures and videos to post online.

'Oh well, having Shizuo as gaurd dog will only make them fear me more.' Izaya patted the blonde on the head much like a dog. "Eh?" Shizuo said raising a eyebrow at the contact. "You've never petted me before."

"There's a first time for everything~"

"You mean like our first time? Sorry we had it in the car."

"I'm sorry it was so awkward and uncoordinated."

"I was drunk. Not your fault."

"We were so clumsy!" The uke laughed good naturedly.

"Heh, tell me about it. I didn't know that Seiji and you were friends."

"Yeah, I didn't know you and Celty were so close."

"We're just good buddies."

"Sure~"

"What do ya mean 'Sure~'? Me and Celt are just friends!"

"You have a nickname for her and everything!"

"You have a nickname for me, now everyone who knows that I won't kill them, like Shinra, calls me Shizu-Chan."

"You call me flea."

"Yeah, but now I call you Gabriel, because you light up my life."

Izaya didn't reply and instead nuzzled into Shizuo comfortably. "So how far away is our house Sugar Chan?"

"Sugar Chan Eh? We're here already." The ex bartender stopped in front of a HUGE mansion. "Here's our new house babe, bought it yesterday after I fucked you, when you were asleep." The raven's mouth dropped on to the floor, the house was beautiful, it was covered in flowers and designs. There was a even a rock garden in the back. "Cool hmm?" Shizuo smirked at the flabbergasted look on the crafty informant's flawless face.

"I love it!" Izaya squeezed Shizuo like he had never squeezed anyone before.

"I knew you would!" The blonde smiled spinning his lover around in a circle gleefully.

"How much was it?" He was scared to ask, yes, but he felt like he'd have to pay Shizuo back somehow.

"Eh, about two hundred thousand Yen." The bodyguard smiled, cocking his head and lighting a cigarette. Oh, Izaya was so going to get it tonight!

"I love you~!"

"Love you too, but you are going get it, as soon as we get inside~!"

"Nuu~"

"Yes Shizuo, yes~"

Izaya sighed and smiled as the blonde carried him inside, at the moment, he was completely happy. He had a boyfriend who loved him, a big house, and the way that big black box was sticking out his back pocket, a big ring also. The raven smiled and nuzzled into his lover, who happily nuzzled back.

Crazy shit happens when you're gay.

The end kids! Lights out! Bloody cute ending.


End file.
